There does not appear to be as much interest in maintaining results as there is in obtaining them. And although great lengths will be taken to get the result, I think we can all acknowledge that the more challenging part can be in the maintenance.
Read MoreBy Cassandra Spencer, @cassandradelynn_naturalfitmom
“I enjoy being told I’m beautiful... who doesn’t? But if you want to really flatter me, tell me I’m intelligent, tell me I’m thoughtful and kind, tell me I’m genuine. I was given my beauty, but I created who I am.” Amanda M.
Me: Savannah Banana, come here for a second!
Savannah: Yes, mom?
Me: Why is it important for you to be nice and smart and not just pretty?
Savannah: Well, I like it when you call me pretty. It’s just fun being pretty.
Me: *blank stare* thinking to myself that it’s time to send her back to whatever it is a 8 year old writes her in diary
Savannah: *cocks to the side and puts her hands on her non-existent hips, tilts her head as she looks up at the ceiling*
BUT, I DO like it when you call me smart too. The kids at school make fun of me for being the 2nd smartest in class, but they are all just lazy and don’t even try. I don’t really care what they think. I like being smart because I know that I tried hard and learned something I didn’t know how to do before. That means I can learn anything and do anything…that’s exciting! I’m going to be a …..
She starts rambling on about all the amazing careers she going to have as an adult, one of which was the new karate star Gabby Douglas…?? But, I honestly stopped listening, as I sat and stared in awe of my daughter. She gets it! Phew….thank goodness! Even though it’s becoming increasingly difficult to pull her away from the mirror, it does not appear that I’m going to have much of a fight on my hands as she matures and need her to value her character and intellect as much as her appearance. She has always been beautiful and she knows it.
Now I, on the other hand, did NOT grow up at the pretty girl in school. I was definitely the Black Sheep in my adolescence…literally and figuratively. Growing up one of very few Black people at a conservative Christian private school, I was everything but pretty. I was funny, I was sporty, I supposedly could dance, but I was not pretty. When I reached college, I kind of became aware of attention from the opposite sex, but I was in a drug and alcohol induced fog for about 4 years, so I really couldn’t tell you much about that time. As I became a full-fledged working adult, I was so used to not being pretty; I didn’t place much value in it. But that was ok! Because I was smart, I was good at my job, I gave to charity, I had my dream car, I bought two houses as a single woman in her 20’s, I was traveling, I had great friends, I dated…well “dating” might be a stretch, but I went out!
What did I need pretty for?
So, when I was given a compliment I really didn’t know what to do with it. Over time I learned how to graciously accept a compliment because I don’t want to offend the person who is giving it. And conversely, as a person who gives out compliments, I know my intention is to make the other person feel good, and I desire for it to be received and accepted. But even today, unless you are specifically complimenting a muscle, it’s a little awkward for me.
But why?
Well, before I explain let me be clear that I am well aware that being a bodybuilding competitor I subject myself to standing on stage under lights, in high heels and scraps of blinged out material to be judged on my looks. I know….kind of a walking oxymoron.
I guess the best way to put it is that beauty isn’t mine to be claimed. Beauty is fleeting, it is subjective, it is ubiquitous, it is trivial. And if you are considered beautiful…what are you thankful for? Your genetics? But what did YOU do?
Don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware of the value our society places on beauty and therefore the substantial psychological and material wealth it can amass. But that aside, what does it really say about the value you place in yourself?
In my humble opinion, when you value yourself, you stake a claim in yourself. You invest in yourself. You are calculating a ROI (return on investment) that can never be taken away. You understand that you can create value through experience, intellect and good will. You understand that you have true ownership over something of value…that something being your character…that character being your legacy. A true compliment is an acknowledgement of the things you may not be able to see with your eyes, but are clearly visible. They shine brightly and cannot be ignored because even when placed next to obvious beauty, the light illuminates those dark places in us that surface beauty cannot.
Sometime later, I came to and Savannah was still talking. I had no idea what she was talking about, but I did catch this little treasure…
“It’s just not good enough to be pretty on the outside, you need to pretty on the inside too” - Savannah, age 8
