How to Lose a Gunt in 10 Days

By K.L.

Countless magazines, both health and fashion, tell us we can do anything. "Be bikini ready in 2 weeks!" "Get THESE abs by the weekend!" "Look 10 pounds thinner by noon!" 

I know the articles that seem too good to be true, ARE too good to be true. These so-called miracle cures and drastic claims are just fluff pieces to sell magazines (... Uh, similar to this one). I know it isn't realistic, or attainable to look like Gwyneth Paltrow with one swift ab exercise. I know putting coconut oil on my cellulite and stretch marks won't make it supple and smooth like Beyoncé's. I know J-Lo's butt is not something I can get by buying an exercise band. And I most certainly know that my legs will never look like Heidi Klum's, and especially not because I take on a 2-week squat challenge. 

So why do I keep going for the quick fix? The overnight results? Why do I even read these articles? 

I am the type who will go so hard in the gym. I love to sweat, and work hard, so much so that I'll compete with myself and others. The hardest part for me is nutrition. The gym is an hour a day, (alright, maybe half an hour. Well, a few days a week. Okay, at least once) but food is ALL day EVERY day. And it's the most important part! These "quick fix" articles show a 3-minute arm circle workout and claim that they will give me the "bikini body I've always wanted." IT'S NOT ENOUGH, my friends. I know, because I've tried. Somehow my abs look the same even if I follow the Kale Smoothie diet for three days (I think the box of Oreos may have something to do with it). 

So why the title, you ask? Well, it was a ploy to get you to read this article.

... Did it work? 

What is a gunt, anyway? Well, urban dictionary will tell you (see also: fupa), but here is my highly educated response: it's the space between your belly button and your lady parts. It's the place that all dresses (tight or loose) love to grab on to. The spot that seems impossible to get rid of. It's the spot our kids like to touch and ask us if there's a baby in there. The sole reason shape wear was invented. The spot that tells us we've had too much Halloween candy. The spot that loves to come out and play if ever we dare bend over. 

So, how does one lose a gunt in 10 days? Sorry, friends. We don't.

That sucker isn't going away in just over a week. But with proper nutrition, strength and interval training, and a hefty source of willpower, we can get closer to a flat stomach. It might take weeks. It might take months. It might take a year. But we are too smart to keep believing the gimmicky "dietainment" stories that wreak havoc on our self-esteem. We've learned, through all of the fad diets and fad exercise plans, that there is no quick fix. It always comes down to what you put in your body, and how you push your body to be strong. 

And hey, if all else fails, there's always Spanx. 

(Endnote: when I pitched the idea for this article to editor Val, she asked me, "What is a gunt?" This made me laugh, then become infuriated. A woman who doesn't know what a gunt is? A mother of 4 who's never had a little pooch down by her va-jay-jay? It's just not fair. I love you, Val, but I may have to unfriend you on Facebook.)